A Happier Me :)

As I mentioned in my previous blog post, I recently made a HUGE lifestyle change.

It was at the end of June, I have just returned from my "eat everything I can" trip to HK and Seoul when I realised how round I have become and how frustratingly tight my clothes were getting. I was even embarrassed to share any photos taken during my trip because I hated how fat I looked.

Everyone who saw me said, "Erm, you've put on some weight huh?" with an emphasis on the word "some". Yes, I knew it was true, but it made me angry at them for pointing out the obvious. AS IF I CAN'T TELL, now you have to remind me?!!

My mum would often say to me "eh you so fat already, don't eat so much," as if it was a sin to eat. As if it was my fault that I've got genes that made me gain weight so easily.

I don't eat THAT much to begin with. But I have to put it out there, I don't exercise as often as I should. And I guess as I grow older, my metabolism started to take a dive and that's how my weight piled up so quickly. And as much as I hate to admit this, being fat made me really, really upset.

The photo you see on the left was taken at the end of December 2014 when I was at the fattest I have ever been in my life at 68kg.

I remember how I hated seeing my reflection in the mirror because I was disgusted with what I saw and bit by bit, I started to lose my self esteem and confidence.

At times I even wonder to myself, how can Leon possibly love someone this fat and unattractive? Looking back I now realise how I did gradually become more and more insecure and how I often felt dejected and unloved.

Perhaps I masked it well but nobody asked if I was okay and I didn't know who I could speak to about how I was feeling because I fear that people might judge me for being silly. But I just knew I wasn't emotionally okay.

I was going through a really tough time with what felt like a rocky relationship (most probably stemmed from my insecurity), the loss of a very dear friend, and how unhappy I was at work due to all the negativity caused by some structural changes. With all of that combined, it was no wonder I was upset all the time. I hung on tight for a couple of months, but it was slowly draining me.

Deep inside I knew things weren't right anymore and I had to do something about it. My heart kept telling me, I don't want to be here. Let's go. So for once I followed my heart.

In May this year, I left my job and headed home to Malaysia for a couple of months. It felt right, and looking back, I'm glad I took the plunge. It was the best decision I made all year. I managed to clear my head and get back on track.

I also took up personal training at Trinity Ludus whilst in Malaysia. With an extremely strict diet and workout routine (I was at the gym 6 days a week!), I've managed to lose a total of 9.2kg in 14 weeks. And the result is the girl you see on the right - a fit, healthy and most importantly happy girl. :)

I don't normally wear sleeveless tops or dresses as I used to hate how fat I look in them and how flabby my arms were but this was the only smart casual dress I had for our anniversary dinner so I braved it anyways.

When Leon showed me this photo after it was taken, I was so surprised and happy to see how sharp my face is now and how my arms have toned up so much. There was no need to liquify my arms or edit my photos anymore and boy, did it feel good to be comfortable in my own skin!

I no longer get upset at my own reflection in the mirror, in fact I quite like what I see now. To be honest, I did not know that my weight affected me this much until I started on this journey. I am really surprised at how much happier one can be as a fit and healthy person.

I am proud to announce that I am no longer a miserably fat and overweight person now. I've managed to bring my BMI to a normal, healthy weight and currently weighing in at 57kg. Even though this sounds ridiculous to many, I am aiming for 50kg and I am hoping to train for abs soon!

Although having said that, now that I am slightly leaner though, I'm trying to balance it out and starting to be a little more lenient with my cheat meals. Life is short, you've got to allow yourself to indulge a little bit too.

As exaggerated as this might sound to you, my weight loss has been life-changing for me and even though it is tough to give up on the one thing I love a lot (aka yummy food), this is the best thing I've done for myself in a long time. I've learnt that anything and everything can be done, if you put your heart into it. Don't procrastinate. Don't give up. JUST KEEP PUSHING, ONE DAY AT A TIME! ;)